# Kame’s Diary: Autumn’s Leaving

Kamenashi Kazuya sat on the balcony, looking at the withered leaves of the trees fall to the ground. His breathing was heavy and his hands were fisted as he tried to hold back the tears that were fighting to come out. He was emitting a sense of deep sadness and regret as he continued to watch the world below him.

Taking one last deep breath, he gave the leaves another look before returning inside his house. He headed straight to his room and fished out a diary from one of his drawers. With a pen in his right hand, he opened the slightly tattered notebook and began to write.

October 12, 2006

Dear Diary,

It’s autumn here in Japan right now. I enjoy autumn, I really do. But this time, I don’t feel anything especially good about it. During this time of year, I’d usually go out and just take a walk to enjoy the cool, crisp breeze. But today, I didn’t even feel like leaving my house. It’s just so depressing somehow.

Maybe what I’m feeling has something to do with Jin leaving for LA today. And I didn’t even have the guts to ask him not to go. That would have been selfish, I guess. Or maybe it’s because he and I didn’t spend much time together before he left. I understand that family comes before my own happiness. And it’s not like I’m that special to him anyway; we are just friends after all.

It was so hard, watching his retreating back. I had to put on a fake reassuring smile as he boarded the plane and waved goodbye to us. It wasn’t a goodbye of forever, but nonetheless, it tore me apart. Seeing the plane disappear through the gray sky, it somehow felt like Jin also took a part of me away and left a large, gaping hole in my heart. It’s cold. Or maybe I just feel so empty because I already miss him so much even though it’s only been a few hours since he left.

I hope he’s doing better than I am. I hope he doesn’t get a cold. I hope he remembers to always lock the doors when he’s about to sleep. I hope he doesn’t forget to drink something warm every morning. But most of all, I hope he comes back soon.

# Jin’s Diary: Winter’s Missing

Jin felt numbness all over his body. It wasn't that cold in LA but he felt like it was anyway. Winters in Japan were much colder but he felt like he was being immersed in a bucket of ice. Deep down, he somehow knew that the cold and snow had little or nothing to do with the iciness he felt inside.

And though he was still shaking, he tried to steady his hands as he continued to scribble on the leather-bound notebook he always kept.

January 25, 2007

Dear Diary,

I just finished another day of studying English and I’m so tired. And the cold weather doesn’t help one bit. I hate winter. I hate it when it’s too cold. I hate that even if I rub my hands together, no warmth flows through me. Also, my heater got broken today and I wish I were back in Japan. Although I don’t regret coming here, I can’t help but think how much I miss my friends and how much I miss my family. And the funny thing is I don’t know how to tell them these things.

I could try sending them an e-mail, but American computers are too complicated. Ueda called me earlier to check up on things, but that was all. It’s getting pretty lonely here already. I wish Kame would call me too. But he’s so busy nowadays from what Ueda told me. His schedule is hectic with all the filming and stuff. I hope he doesn’t overwork himself, and knowing him, he’d probably push himself to the limit just to make everything right.

Winter seems to be a lot colder and bitterer when there’s no one to share some jokes and laughter with. I need to see Kame’s smiling face again. He always had this ability to brighten up the room with his smile. If I could see it, I’d probably feel much better. I miss him terribly.

# Kame’s Diary: Spring’s Coming

Kame placed the receiver back on the phone with a glint of happiness in his eyes. No more traces of sadness and regret could be seen in his brown orbs. He headed to the bedroom of the hotel suite and plopped down on his bed, smiling contentedly.

The smell of flowers wafted through the open window and filled the room with its sweetness. Kame found this unusual because they were in the middle of the city, but nonetheless, he felt good about it. Still smiling to himself, Kame took out the diary where he noted down his thoughts of the day and began to write once more.

April 8, 2007

Dear Diary,

            Spring is a sign of new life and new beginnings. I was just walking around the city today and it felt so refreshing. It’s nice to take a break once in a while. But we’re still in the middle of our concert tour though, so everyone is still working really hard. During the performances, it feels weird that Jin isn’t there performing with us. KAT-TUN isn’t KAT-TUN when we’re not complete.

            Good news though! The Jimusho just called and said that Jin will be coming home in a few days! Thank goodness no one was here because I think I smiled like an idiot when I found out. Finally, I can see him again! The others will be happy when they find out too, I’m sure of it.

            I can’t wait till we fetch him from the airport. I can’t wait to see his face, his smile, and his deep eyes. I can’t wait to hear his voice now that he’s finally learned how to speak English. I can’t wait to smack him on the head and tell him that he’s been gone for too long. But most of all, I can’t wait to tell him, “Welcome home.”

            I love this day, I love that Jin is coming back, and I love spring!

# Jin’s Diary: Summer’s Love

The sunset shone brightly outside Jin’s window, its light casting a golden glow on everything it touched. Jin was writing quietly on the table with a tall, cold glass of juice beside him.

July 19, 2007

Dear Diary,

            It’s been three months since my returned here to Japan. And it’s the summer time already! I wanted to go to the beach today and take a swim but as always, there’s work to be done. Everything is almost back to normal now. But there’s one thing I can’t change back. Do you want to know what it is?

            Well, today, I told Kame that I love him. There was no special reason for it. I just felt like I needed to tell him already. It was so nerve-racking! It felt like my heart was about to jump out of my chest! At first, he looked at me with a confused expression on his face like he thought I was drunk. I repeated my words to him and that time, his eyes widened in shock. If I wasn’t so scared that time, I would’ve laughed at his expression. But then tears started to form on his eyes so I apologized and started to walk away. But he grabbed my hand so I spun around. Surprisingly, he was smiling already.

            And then he told me that he loves me too. “For a long time now.” were his words. I couldn’t believe it!  We were keeping it to ourselves for so long when we could’ve just said it out loud. I pulled him close in an embrace and he also held me tight. It was such a wonderful feeling!

            We finally conquered our personal fears. What’s left now is the rest of the world. But together, I’m sure we’ll make it through.

Jin set down his pen on the dining table and his eyes wandered off to the sleeping figure on the couch a few meters away.

Kame was snuggled comfortably on the couch, bits of hair was covering his face. The light illuminated Kame’s face in various angles and Jin found that he was mesmerized by the beauty of the younger man.

Jin smiled as he recalled the events of that day. “I’m glad to be back home.” he thought.

-END-

A/N: I’m sorry!.. *hides* I know it doesn’t live up to expectations.. ^^; I realized halfway while I was writing this that it’s difficult to write in the first person POV.. T_T But yeah, at least I tried, right?.. *bricked* Anyway, comments are <333.. ^^ Ooooh yeah, so starting tomorrow, I will be on hiatus.. So it’s from Monday to Wednesday or Thursday probably.. LoL.. I will miss you guys!.. Try not to post up too much updates, okay?.. *huggles everyone*